Damsel in Distress

I’ve relapsed (again).  I’m sick of relapsing.  There needs to be a different way of thinking about it.   Instead of relapsing into depression and self-injury, I would rather consider moments from these feelings to be times of elation and freedom.  Hey, it’s the fourth of July.  Time to think of freedom.

Sitting here listening to Coldplay’s “Fix You” probably doesn’t create the best ambience for freedom.  Recent therapy sessions have brought into question the emotional possibility of needing to feel at least somewhat helpless or damaged so that my husband can be the rescuer.  Thinking of all the fairy tales and great romances, the damsel in distress is rescued by her prince and they live happily ever after.  But the stories never show what happily ever after looks like.  Does the damsel keep getting into scrapes, eternally needing rescuing, and does this keep the thrill of the chase alive for her prince?  Or does he wake up one day, look at his bride, and say, “Dammit, can’t you fix ANYTHING without me?  What about my needs?  Keeping up with you is stressing me out!”

Ted Dekker’s Circle series of books talks about our relationship with our father as being the “Great Romance”:  being pursued to the ends of the earth by our Lover, accepting His love and relaxing in the unconditional love that is waiting for us.  There is only one rescue needed, then the relationship begins.

So here is my conundrum:  I don’t want to be rescued.  I am petulantly stubborn about planning for the future and possible times of needing help.  I’ve hit my wall of willingness, and my pride is getting in the way.  This damsel is sick of being in distress.  I need a new viewpoint.

So what is the new viewpoint?  I’ve already been rescued.  What about that?  The Lover of my soul has rescued me and there is no more rescuing needed.  Chris is not my rescuer.  He is my partner, given to me to share this journey, and when I am needy, he is there to bolster my courage, remind me of our Lover by his servant love for me.  And when I need more than what he can give, the community of believers is there for us to rely on.

The idea that I can be independent and care for myself is a mirage.  Being free is not being alone.  Fighting alone creates a prison.  I have been willing to share my experiences and have requested prayers from others.  Now, in the face of planning for future needs, knowing that the physical presence and sacrifice of others may play a part in my mental health is humbling.  I don’t want to need to be “babysat” or to be put on a “suicide watch.” 

“Together, we are his house, built on the foundation of the apostles and the prophets.  And the cornerstone is Christ Jesus himself.  We are carefully joined together in him, becoming a holy temple for the Lord.”  Ephesians 2:20-21

If a part of a building was losing structural integrity, would we leave it alone, or would we use other pieces to brace it up until it could be fixed?  The Church is not a building; it is an intertwining of lives, a sharing of needs and joys.  So I need a little (or a lot) more bracing than others right now.  It seems like the bracing has gone on for so long, but from an eternal viewpoint, who knows what this time will mean for me?  Will I remain weak so that the strength of God will be greater shown through me?  Will this inner storm be a trial that will strengthen me and my faith, enabling me to be the brace for others who are weak?

“All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.  God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort.  He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others.  When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.”

We are all the damsel in distress.  Our Prince has rescued us, but we have trials and disappointments as we wait for our Prince to take us to His Father’s kingdom.  Until He returns to take us there, he expects us to rely not only on him but on all parts of His bride.  Every need I have can be filled through Christ and the community of His lovers involved in the Great Romance.  And when I have been lifted up, I will be ready to comfort those in distress.