My purpose is to be real and transparent about my journey, and to hopefully encourage others in their journey. I have been in therapy since October, and I have learned so much about life and love and myself that it just seems selfish to keep it all to myself at this point.
Today is a good day for me. It's Mother's Day, and I have been well-loved by my spouse and children. My favorite Lover, my heavenly Father, has been gracious and loving to me today, showing me His tender care. Not all days are like this for me. I suffer many days from the rituals of OCD, I cut and burn myself to allieviate pain, I suffer from depression. I hide in my closet on the worst of days. I sing and dance in my closet on the best of days. I am learning to bring my true self out of my closet, and into real life. I am learning to share who I am with my husband and others who love me.
I think there are many others out there in pain and suffering; feeling all alone like I once felt. I want to share with you. I want to quit hiding behind a mask of self-sufficiency. The love of my Father is enough for me to weather any ill-opinions generated by my transparency. I am sick. We live in a sick, depraved earth; filled with sin and genetic malfunctions. I can't change the way I was made, but I can be in charge of this moment I have been given. What will you do with this moment you have been given?
It is for freedom that I have been set free. Free of expectations I place on myself. Free to be who God wants me to be. Free to take the time to be with the One who will create in me a new heart. This fragile clay jar has a Light inside of it, and what a privilege it is to be used, pressed by troubles but not broken. So I pray, Father, that you will turn my eyes from the troubles I see now, and fix my gaze on things that cannot be seen. Make my vision such that I focus on what will last forever. Amen.
Oh, Michelle....I am giving you an over-the-internet "much needed" hug & second & third hug. If there is such a thing. You have touched my soul and brought me to tears as I read your first post and your profile. I can now see your Light and I praise God for these little baby steps you have now taken. Hallelujah....Praise God for YOU, Michelle - I love you, your friend, Julie
ReplyDeleteThis is awesome Michelle.
ReplyDeleteI so appreciate your transparency.
Welcome to the blogging world.
Rich
Healing and love come when we don't hide behind our masks. Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing all of you with us. It makes me more courageous and willing to share my own "stuff". Love you. ~ Sharon
ReplyDeleteMichelle,
ReplyDeleteI am still at work, but I just had to say how much I admire your strength, honesty and courage.
I love you,
Maggie
Michelle,
ReplyDeleteYour words are an inspiration but the act of "coming out" blesses me even more! Thank you for exposing your heart and the lies that try to bind it. May your bad days get better and your good day become more frequent.
Rob
My dear friend, I pray for you daily. I know the angels are rejoicing at the bondage that has been broken. Satan has lost the snares that kept you captive. I will continue to pray for protection and healing as you journey this path we call life. As we have talked about before the bondage that you break now will effect generations to come. Journey on friend, love ya your neighbor katherine
ReplyDeleteYou know where I have been!!! We love and SUPPORT YOU!!!! Hang in there sister-in-law!! GOD IS GOOD!!!
ReplyDeleteJennie
Michelle-- we are all broken. Congratulations and know that even in the hope and reality of Christ's healing power, as long as we live in this broken world, we will long for things to be made right. It is in my brokenness (even now) that I find a thirst and hope that grows for the home that will be and the "me" that I was meant to be. I like the quote from Aquinas “It is good for us to encounter troubles and adversities from time to time, for trouble often compels a man to search his own heart. It reminds him that he is an exile here.” From one exile to another, may you find and grow in the peace of Christ that is offered to us all as we live lives of faith in a broken world.
ReplyDelete