Fifty Shades of Grey--I Jump into the Fray

Okay, I’m a little hesitant about this, especially because it reminds me of the whole Harry Potter debacle, back in the day.  But I feel compelled to speak my mind about this book, Fifty Shades of Grey, because I haven’t heard or seen my viewpoint out there yet.  Not that I think I’m all that; but because this perspective came to me during a time of prayer, I believe it’s important and relevant and God wants me to tell it.

First, I have to say that I haven’t read Fifty Shades of Grey.  I know that puts me at a disadvantage in a blog dedicated to discussing the book.  I’ve read as many “Surprise Me!” sections that Amazon would let me without actually buying the book, plus the Wikipedia entry (and you know that Wikipedia knows all!), along with a few fan sites.  I wanted to understand the book without actually ingesting the sex scenes that I’ve heard so much about, and I think I managed to get a flavor of the book without the smut.

Okay, I know that sounded judgmental, but I assure you, that’s not where I’m going.  I’ve seen the opinions where the book and its readers are judged as sinful, lustful pornography addicts.  And I’ve seen the opinions that praise the book for its sexual freedoms.  And I’ve seen the opinions that say the book is a lousy piece of crap that never should have been published.

But here’s what bothers me:  The book is about, essentially, a rapist and his victim.  Sure, he’s all “gentlemanly” about it with his “contract”, but it’s emotional manipulation.  She is held captive by him and abused.  And it makes me wonder why women are eating this up.  Why they are turned on by this.  And instead of judging, I wonder if there is something deeper going on.

One thing that comes to mind is the statistic that one in three women has been sexually abused in their lives.  I used to disbelieve this statistic, until recently.  It appears to be true.  Could it be that this book has gone viral simply because of the number of emotionally and sexually scarred women there are out there?

If you were abused, wouldn’t you want to read the story of an innocent woman who was victimized, soiled, cruelly tortured, but somehow brought out the goodness in her abuser?  Wouldn’t you desperately want to believe that, deep within yourself, you had been special, that, just like the protagonist, you could have found the deep scars within the man and turned him into a loving creature?  Wouldn’t you want to believe that goodness and love could come out of an abusive situation?

Or maybe you are stuck in a relationship that simply isn’t doing it for you anymore sexually.  And it’s easier to imagine sex with someone else through fantasy.  Rape fantasies take away the guilt because it’s not your fault that you’re having sex with someone else (or so some wise counselor once told me), so you enjoy this book with its BDSM elements.

Either way, or perhaps neither way, I believe the reasoning behind why you are reading a book is as important as what you are reading.  It may be painful, and it may expose some truths about yourself that you’d rather not explore, but dealing with the issues brings relief and satisfaction far beyond the temporary thrill of an erotic novel.

If you’re married, and need a little spice, why look for fantasy when you can have the real thing?  Are you waiting for him to make the first move?  Do you lack ideas?  Try reading Sheet Music by Kevin Lehman instead.  It might get your blood pumping with something that you can actually do something about.  Or if you have abuse in your past, you may prefer Real Marriage by Mark and Grace Driscoll (although it’s good for the average marriage, too).  These books incite you to think about hot, spicy Godly sex with your husband.

And if there’s something massively wrong with your sex life, don’t bury it.  Get help.  Get medical help, spiritual help, counseling, whatever it is that you personally need.  But hiding in a fantasy isn’t going to improve anything.  Finding out why it’s more interesting to you to read about other people having sex than actually having sex is probably important for your marriage.  Talk.

If you’re single or divorced, and a Christian, then why are you tempting yourself with thoughts that you can’t fulfill?  As the bride of Christ, it is a privilege to remain pure for Him, both in body and in mind.  Perhaps you need to begin or increase your exercise regimen or use this time to increase your intimacy with the Lover of your soul.  I know, easy to say, not easy to do.  But also consider the possibility of a future spouse.  You don’t want him to be clouding his mind with pornography, do you?  Written sex scenes are just as potent as visual ones, especially for women.  There’s a reason Fifty Shades of Grey has been dubbed “Mommy Porn”. 

Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse.  Philippians 4:8(MSG)

I’m hoping I don’t sound judgmental.  I wrote what I did, not because I’m such a spiritual giant (because I most certainly am NOT), but because my sin has convicted me and because I’ve seen what damage sexual sin can do to people.  I want the best for you, the best that God has planned for you.