Gilded Cracks

“Brokenness, brokenness is what I long for…” we sang recently at a gathering of fellow believers.  The dear friend leading worship later told me she had prayerfully chosen all the songs with me specifically in mind.  What a gift.  But longing for brokenness?   Wasn’t enough coming my way without longing for it?

And then another friend spoke of a teacup.  Our lives being like a beautiful teacup, shattered and broken beyond recognition.  A master craftsman picks up the pieces, puts them together, and solders them with gold, so that the resulting patterns are beyond the initial beauty of the teacup.

So I am given two pictures; the breaking and the healing.  You can’t have the beauty without the brokenness.  Sometimes I think that I am quite satisfied with the Michelle that I am right now, no more brokenness needed, thank you very much!  But it’s not in my nature to be satisfied with mediocre when I can see fantastic just ahead.

 God looks at me, and thrills at my ambition, but sees what I don’t see.  “What about that unrepented sin?  Or that unresolved relationship?”  I don’t see anything.  But he sees the innermost parts, like a bruise hidden in a piece of ripe fruit.  It needs to come out, be dealt with, so he allows a little crack, a break to occur, and I can see what was there all along.

“Ouch!  That hurts!” I cry out to my Father.  How can he allow such pain? 

“You don’t understand, my child.  This wound has been festering under the skin a long time.  It is going to take some pain to get the infection out.  It must be purified before you can be healed.”

“But if I am forgiven, why is this wreaking such havoc in my life?  Why is the sin of another hurting me so much?”

“My beloved child, are you focusing on Me or your own fear?  Look at me, and you will be safe.”

I’ve taken a silversmith class before.  I know that before proper soldering can occur, all impurities must be burned away.  The refiner’s fire.  We sing about it.  Sitting in it doesn’t feel so good.  The good news is that I am not in the fire alone.  There is One who walks with me.  He takes me by the hand, waits patiently when I try to fix things on my own, and points out the path when I turn back.  He leads me to His father, the Great Physician, Healer of all who are broken.

  The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.  Psalm 34:18