Michelle Plays Connect the Dots Between Misogyny and Homopobia; Part Two: Gaydar

*disclaimer:  I say some negative things about my husband in here…I want to say up front that he is an incredible man; he may have had some not-so-proud moments at times(hey, who doesn’t?), but he has the humility to admit it and the bravery to look at himself and change.  Which makes me amazed at his strength and so proud to be called his wife!

You can read Part One here.

Um, no.

PART TWO:  

There is no such thing as “gay-dar”.

I know this sounds like a complete departure from my previous post, but stick with me. 

Conservative Christians have the absolute worst stereotypes of the homosexual community EVER.  

Which is so hypocritical, because the only reason that community exists is because WE KICKED THEM OUT of ours.  WE ostracized them.  And God created humans to live in community, so they found each other.  And communities create their own subcultures, which turn into stereotypes.  So homosexuals may tend to have similarities because they live in similar communities.  Just like upper-class communities will have a vernacular quite different from those living in poverty, or the Hispanic community will have traditions unique to their world.  So, yes, you may notice something “outside your comfort zone” about the homosexual culture but that doesn’t mean you are imbued with a superpower called “gay-dar” anymore than I have “German Baptist Radar” whenever I see a woman wearing a cap and a calico dress.

Nope, they don't look different from me.  Not at all.

Some Christians have rationalized that homosexuals are in open rebellion to God, so they are required to kick them out of the community until they repent.  But anyone who says gays(in general) are in open rebellion has probably never experienced the fear many go through when telling loved ones as they “come out”.  A rebellious person would not go through so much anguish, would not hide their feelings, would not show so much LOVE for those people in their lives that they deny what they are experiencing within themselves in order to please others.

I am not saying here that homosexuality is or isn’t a sin.  I’m leaving that out of the debate totally, because that’s not what I want to talk about.

I want to talk about empathy.  I want to talk about love, and what a community which professes to be the embodiment of Jesus should look like.

Not the best writing, but good thinking.

Recently, I read a book called The Cross in the Closet about a man who pretended to be gay for a year, to break through all his Christian stereotypes.  I was talking about it to Chris, and somewhere in our discussion, he asked if this man adopted the entire “gay persona”.  I asked what he meant, and he said, “You know, the whole lisp and limp hand thing.”  And he acted it out in a way that, to me, appeared to be mocking.

I got offended.  We know enough gay people to know that’s not the norm, and I said as much…but he countered by telling me that he had plenty of gay patients, and they “all” acted like that.  To which I responded…”Yeah, the ones you KNOW were gay, because they made it obvious.  But not everyone who has a lisp is gay.  Plenty of heterosexual people have speech impediments, and plenty of gay people don’t.” 

It really doesn’t help that he has a half-brother who has a slight lisp and who is a hair-dresser.  I mean, really.  Stereotype to the max.  Plus, he dresses like he owns the room, has impeccable taste in everything, AND he drinks cosmos… I practically snorted my sandwich through my nose at our last family get together as Chris was escorted into the kitchen by his two gay brothers, who were both like, “What?  You’ve never had a COSMO?”  I wanted to respond with, “Well, he’s not GAY!”

Straight men; drinking a cosmo won't make you gay.  I promise.

So, yeah, I have my own stereotypes too.

But it seems like so many heterosexual men think they have “gay-dar”; that they can spot a homosexual man from a mile away—this is a super power bestowed upon them.  I am constantly baffled that it never occurs to them that their “gay-dar” is only going off because #1) The gay man WANTS to be recognized as such OR #2) Their “gay-dar” is incorrect.  

I recently read an article where a waiter, who is most definitely heterosexual, was assumed to be gay by some patrons because of his “gay” qualities.  And he just went along with it because he didn’t want to embarrass the patrons by correcting them.   Why is it so difficult to understand that there is a wide range of physical qualities in heterosexual men?  Or, for that matter, in homosexual men? 

I love this Tumblr blog, http://thingsmystraightboyfriendsays.tumblr.com because it shows how we stereotype gay men.  And how we limit heterosexual men.  Some men are so homophobic that they don’t dare behave in any ways that might be even slightly construed as “gay”.   Why can’t a man have an opinion on style, or food, or room design without being labeled as gay?

And think about it, we mock and we fight against the “gay agenda”…but why is this people group fighting for their rights anyway?  Why do they have their own unique characteristics?  Oh yeah, it’s because WE REFUSED TO ASSOCIATE WITH THEM. 

We have homosexuals in our family.  I love them.  I don’t need a supernatural push, because their sexual orientation has nothing to do with their person-hood. My brother-in-law, who came into my life just a few years ago, is a perfect example. He’s full of love…because he loves Jesus.  He’s a much better Christian than many I run across.  And he has experienced the worst of the worst.  He has said that if he could choose to be a different way, he would, because the path he is on is not an easy path.  He has experienced hate and discrimination, and he still chooses to compassionately love others: 

I have most certainly tried to pray the gay away. I have prayed, fasted, denied myself, I could go on and on. I am gay like my eyes are blue. I had no choice in this. What God has given me in my pursuit of righteousness is patience....love....empathy, qualities that I wouldn't trade for the world. If someone comes to know the Lord through His love and kindness shown through my lispy voice and soft ways then my existence has not been in vain.  

(yes, he read this blog and my comments about his lisp, and he couldn't help but add a bit of humor in there for me.)

One time, we were driving in the car together, and he said one of the most impactful things anyone has ever said to me.  He told me that both I and his birth mother (my mother-in-law) have shown HIM the love of Jesus more than any other person he’s known.  I would have said that he will never know how precious that moment was to me, but when he reads this, I suppose he will (Hi Ron!  I love you!).  I wasn’t even sure what I’d done.  I just treated him like everyone else around me (as he put it…I validated his love for Christ, not his homosexuality).  It made me mad at all the other people.  He is so loveable.

But maybe that’s the point.  He was used to being treated as less-than.  I can identify with that.  And I don’t want anybody, ever, to feel like that.  No Child of the King should ever feel like that, and *newsflash* WE ARE ALL CHILDREN OF THE KING.  Yeah, every homeless bum you see; every person you FEEL superior to…nope.  They are ROYALTY, and deserve to be treated as such.  We are all image-bearers.

learning the word "Namaste" changed my life.

I still treasure my “Namaste” rock. 

I love the meaning.  I think of it often, especially when I’m walking the streets where I encounter strangers.  I enjoy meeting eyes and smiling, and thinking “The image of God within me recognizes and honors the image of God within you.” 

That idea is not exclusive.  We can’t pick and choose which human gets to be like God.  It’s not like, “Hey, I like you and how you think, so I will honor you.”  That’s not true honor.  When you truly disagree, yet still respect that person and desire unity…that’s honor.  When you can’t find unity within the doors of the church, if you hate each other that much, what chance does the unbelieving community around you have?

I know that if I was gay, those signs would TOTALLY make me want to know more about Jesus and his loving ways...yeah, they would COMPLETELY make me want to change.  I would be charging into church the next Sunday for SURE!  But hey, look how FRIENDLY those people look with their smiling faces!  At least GOD LOVES THEM in all their self-righteous glory.

I was very disappointed with my husband when Ron entered our family, because he wasn’t as accepting as I was.  Chris was trying, I could see that.  But there was something holding him back.  It was only this past week where I finally learned why.

Stay tuned to hear PART THREE.