peaceful sleep

We had wretched thunderstorms this afternoon.  Winds and torrential rain…the forecast included the word “tornado”, which is not exactly comforting. 

I had laid down for a short nap and my cat, Binky, and puppy, Charlie, decided to join me.  With one curled against my back and the other against my stomach, we rested quite comfortably until the winds picked up and the rain began beating against the bedroom windows.  I woke, startled, but the two of them remained peacefully sleeping.  The thunder rolled, and their ears would turn, but their faces remained placid, their eyes closed.  Charlie continued to snore little puppy-snores, his mouth gaping.

I continued to lay there and watch them for awhile, enjoying their tranquility.  Eventually, much to their consternation, I disentangled myself.  As soon as I arose, Binky shot off to hide in the closet, and Charlie got up to follow me around.  Serenity was all gone.

It felt good to be the harbinger of peace.  Knowing that I was the reason that they felt so comfortable in the midst of a terrible storm made me feel satisfied.

I struggle with peaceful sleep myself, so when I see it, I want to grab it.  Recently, I’ve been trying to sleep without any type of medication or sleep aid.  It’s not easy for me.  I have nightmares, bad ones.  The storm is within me, beating me down.  I wake myself up, screaming and flailing.  I wake my husband up.  I say things that make no sense until he hears the context of the dream.  I shake and cry.  He puts his arms around me and holds me, but that is often not enough.  Sometimes, he has to shake me over and over, saying please, please; stop dreaming whatever you’re dreaming.

So it’s ironic to me that these two little animals find peaceful sleep at my side.  Why?  To them, I am their master.  I give them good things.  I feed them.  I give them affection.  I care for their needs.  Sometimes I do things that they don’t understand, things they hate (like clipping their nails or giving them pills).  But they still trust me implicitly.  They know me to be kind and loving.

If I could sleep snuggled next to my Master, could I be calm and quiet?  Isn’t that a real possibility?  Is He not all around me all the time?  I am tired of being tired.  I want to rest peacefully next to my Master just as my pets rest next to me.

Certainly, my Father has shown me unequivocally, that He gives me good things, that He loves me, that He cares for me.  Even though I don’t understand.  Yet, still I sleep fitfully.  I want Him to be my sleep-aid.

I don’t have answers.